Sunday, September 13, 2009

They Didn't Miss Me?

Ain't that the truth!

Well that leaves me with 34 more years before it gets easy, woo hoo! That's over three decades of torture, I feel like I won the lottery. I feel so warm and fuzzy when I think about it... Wait that might be something else? I'll have to get back to you on that one.

So what has my panties in such a wad? Well let me tell you...I was forgotten. Really, I was completely forgotten about by my family. Think waiting outside for your Mom or Dad to come pick you up from school or work, but they never show, because the forgot you. Yay, like that, but worse.

See I left the house (in front of my husband) after telling my 14 year old. I didn't tell my 8 year old, because 9 out of 10 times that means a 10 minute goodbye / I love you send off outside until my car is gone from his sight. Being my Mama's boy, I will leave him out of this, as he is my only allie and he will cross over to the dark side soon enough.

My husband saw me and my oldest son spoke the words, "okay". I know that my son speaking while playing a video game doesn't count as him hearing me, but I did tell him.

I was gone for 5 hours, before I called from a local restaurant to ask them if they had eaten dinner and if they wanted anything. That was when it dawned on my husband that I wasn't home. I actually think it was the crowd of football fans cheering in the background that tipped him off, otherwise he might have thought I was calling from the back of the house.

Strangely enough I've never been able to stay in any part of the house for more than 5 minutes, before one of them finds me. I don't remember the last time I took a bath or went to the bathroom (for any reason) without one of my kids knocking on the door. They must have known on some level that I wasn't there.

Hubby doesn't ask where I am or let on he just realized I was out of the house. I order the kids food and make it home about 45 minutes later. That is when my husband tells me with a chuckle, "Hey, you know I didn't even know you had left". I felt so loved at that moment. Without missing his cue, my oldest says, "You left"?

Well, thank God I wasn't abducted while I was gone. I wonder when exactly they would have noticed I was gone? Maybe an hour after dinner? Maybe next Thursday? I keep thinking about how when I am home they find me every few minutes, yet they were totally unaware I was gone for 5 hours. I keep doing the math, but it doesn't add up.

I can hear the eventual 911 call in my head.

911: This is 911, what is your emergency?

Husband: I think my wife is missing

911: When did you last see your wife?

Husband: I don't know

911: You don't know? The how do you know she is missing Sir?

Husband: There's no dinner

911: Do you know what she was last seen wearing?

Husband: No

911: Sir, you don't know what she is wearing and you don't know when you last saw her? Sir, maybe she isn't missing. I'm sending an officer to your house.

The police show up and ask my husband the same batch of questions. I am confident that the policemen would leave the house scratching their heads wondering if this man was even married to a real person.


Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Well Kirsten, with 35 years of marriage under our belts, it gets to be a way of life. Although your story is a bit unusual. We both now (and admit) look forward to that time alone. We enjoy our time alone and definitely know when the other is gone. You see we are both retired and in the house together close to 24 hours a day. I feel a trip coming on down to Reno in the motor home for a couple of days ... alone.

Debbie said...

This cracks me up! I had never thought about the fact that they can't leave us alone when we are here but don't notice when we're gone. You're genius.

MrsM said...

I wish that could happen to me! All three of our kidlets are five and under so if Mommy so much as faces another direction everybody freaks (including Daddy!). On the rare occasions I actually leave the house I usually have all the kids crying, the two that can walk clinging to my legs, and Hubby saying "Oh hun! Can you do this before you go?" "Oh, hun-I forgot, can you pick up this?" "Wait! One more thing, Hun."

It's a 30 minute process.