Suburban Psychosis

Can we talk? Don't take this wrong, it's not you, it's me, no wait it is you. You see I hate when people talk on their cell phones when out in public. I must have missed the memo, the one everyone else and their grandmother got, about cell phone usage in public being so freaking necessary.

I mean really, is it that important for people to go through the day with a phone attached to the side of their head? What could be so interesting? After all I hear your conversations and I haven't heard anything earth shattering yet. Yesterday I passed 47 people talking on their cell phones in Wal-mart and every one of those people made it real easy to hear everything they were saying. And I feel I should tell you the Wal-mart customer phone calls differ hugely from Target customers, if you get my drift.

Let's break some of this down with a few examples:

2 Mothers fussing at their child (chores, running an errand)

1 College age boy crushing on some guy in his math class (some guy, on the next row over, is adorable)

10 Women gossiping about friends (vacations, children, weight gain, attitude and haircuts)

1 Bride - to - be declaring "the Redhead" is not invited to the wedding

1 Guy talking about golf

1 Woman talking about what do this weekend

2 Young women only saying "I know" over and over (wonder if they were talking to each other?)

1 Old lady complaining about something while badly driving a scooter with one hand (my favorite)

Can't these conversations wait? How in the world did everyone make it before cell phones? It's my guess that no one really needs to have the above conversations. I think people like to feel important, maybe they are just hiding behind their conversations. Whatever it is, I think it's rude to detach yourself from your surroundings and ignore your manners.

I hate the following cell phone induced behavior:

1. You don't drive well while on the phone (even blue tooth, because your mind is distracted)

2. When you run into /brush against/cut off someone, you keep talking instead of saying excuse me (you're an ass)

3. You can't steer a shopping cart (call for someone to clean up the broken jar - maybe you can use your cell phone!)

4. You don't acknowledge the cashier person while checking out, which means you're not moving fast enough for me

5. You talk way too loud about anything. Please, somethings don't need to be said at a high decimal!

6. You lolly gag in the isles in front of items I want to get to, because you are unaware that I'm standing there (you're an ass)

So, when you are out, just think about whether that call realllly needs to take place. And can you try to keep your business to yourself? One of these days you are going to be talking loudly, in the isle, in front of my box of tampons and I'm going to tell you so, loudly.