Sunday, May 24, 2009

Now This??

Ever have one of those friends that they seem to always compete with you? Does this "friend" to your face say and do things behind your back to sabotage you? Are they always asking for favors, but can't do much of anything for you? Do you find yourself always defending yourself, because you never seem to be a good enough friend in the eyes of this person?

You're not alone! I've got my very own BFF, except for me that stands for Best Frenemy Forever. Jealous aren't you?? We'll call my BFF butt face to protect her identity. As much as I'd love to splash her name around the web, that isn't how I roll.

Butt face is on my Facebook and I'm contemplating removing her, except for that nagging phrase "Keep your friends close and your enemy's closer" keeps me thinking I should keep her on my friend list, so I can keep tabs on her.

Her new thing is to compete with me for friends on Face book; she seems to have to have the same number of friends as I do. She sends friend request to my family and friends from middle school that she doesn't know, put on her status something that mirrors what I put; except she always makes hers is a bit better. For example, if I mention I'm hanging with the family watching a movie, she puts spending time with my amazing husband and loving children watching a movie and enjoying popcorn with the loves of my life. I write I'm going shopping and she writes how her awesome husband is taking her shopping, because he thinks she needs to be spoiled.

It doesn't matter what I write, she ups it by writing about the same thing, only exaggerated. Doesn't she know that she created a pattern that is very transparent? This has been happening for a few months now and it makes me not want to post anymore.

Another thing butt face does is go on my wall-to-wall conversations and answer questions or makes comments to the person I'm conversing with, even when they don't know her and it doesn't pertain to butt face. She's done this dozens of times with people I went to school with and family members. They'll send me a question about something and she jumps in and takes over the conversation without once acknowledging that I'm part of the conversation. Someone asked me about a recipe and she interjects with how she has the most amazing recipe and she'll email it to them right away. She always has a better vacation suggestion, drink recipe, food recipe, place to shop, and advice out the ying yang. I find it strange that every experience someone will tell me about, she has had the same or better and she will go on and on about describing it.

I know it may sound like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill, but if you knew her and our relationship, you'd understand how she is and how it's not far fetched to think this way. I'm sure I'm bitter, because of all I've done for her and how she has hurt me. Can you blame me?

My husband thinks she is jealous because we have a better relationship than she does with her husband, our kids are better behaved, her husband is rather antisocial and mine is a social butterfly, I don't work outside the home and she has to work. . I don't care! I have several friends that have / need to work and they are great people and great friends. I also have friends that have husbands that are rather quiet. I just have never dealt with someone so competitive. I've never had a friend so demanding and underhanded, well maybe I did in elementary, but I don't remember.

Any of you out there ever dealt with a "frenemy" and survived? Do you have any pointers? I'm drawing a blank past egging her house.


Anonymous said...

I'm on facebook and I'll help you out and friend you. It's only one more but maybe others will do the same.

jan said...

I used to work with a frenemy (love the word). She died. Not because of me, but it settled things.

Chris @ Maugeritaville said...

Actually, egging her house sounds pretty good. Or maybe put on your status " . . . is plotting a way to kill Butt Face and make it look like an accident." Or maybe, " . . . is getting a kick out of watching Butt Face try to one-up her on her status in a transparent attempt to seem interesting."

Just my two cents' worth.

bing said...

i had a few of these 'creatures'. but i think if one is not happy anymore in a relationship, one has to go away or stay away. such creepy individuals can do damage more than we could imagine.

am thinking about a line here though - keep your enemies closer. i think it is more of a danger than security. these people are impossible, you know.

Kirsten said...

I probably should remove her. She must have very low self esteem. She is still up to her tricks. I wish I could remember more people than I do from my childhood, it would drive her crazy to see me with 50 more people than her.

~Static~ said...

With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Tere said...

I say go the opposite way. Start suggesting friends for her and let her get WAY ahead of you. Then what's she going to do? Put ridiculous things on your status - Off to vacation with Brad, Angelina, and the kids. Lying helps.

She is clearly jealous of you and I'm sure most of your real friends see her for what she is. I always encourage people like her to go ahead and win cause it's just not that important to me. Or you could egg her house.

The Phil Guild Guide said...

I used to have one. As I rode the wave of competition, I got myself wrapped up and ended up like him -- competitive to a fault. It didn't do me any good, plus I would always dwell about our competition. I got fixated on him. I lost identity and had to always arrange my activities considering him and "the competition". I suggest you slowly focus on your life which will make you less think about your frenemy until you have totally forgotten about her. Next thing in the agenda is to be indifferent to her because by that time all you will really care about is your needs and those of your better friends with whom you have healthier relationships.