Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My Next Car Is Going To Be the Mach 5

Yep, this is my next car. Not because it looks totally cool, would make most men drool on the highway or leave your car in it's dust.

I want it for it's seven mechanisms triggered by buttons labeled from A to G on the steering wheel.

Driving around my town just about qualifies me for Nascar or maybe demolition derby. I could really deal with the auto jack, so I could jump over all the cars going slow or driving erratic because of some all to important cell phone conservation. I'm really excited about the cutter feature. Those powerful rotary saw blades would really do the trick when you cut me off. The Evening or Illuminating Eye would be great, so I can detect all the ass drivers up the road ahead at night. What peace of mind the Gizmo Rocket would bring me, because I could send it home when I forgot something. The bird-like device is operated by a built-in remote control within the cockpit, so I can send it to peck at your window, if you piss me off.

Of course there isn't enough room for all the groceries in the small compartment they call a trunk, Spritle and Chim-Chim were clearly midgets to be able to fit in there with the roadside kit, so I'm thinking I should drive this car alone and use the front passenger seat for the rest of my bags or my purse. I just know there isn't any room for anyone else.

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