Thursday, October 16, 2008

Open Letter to My Friends

Make that friends, family, extended family, ex coworkers, neighbors and anyone I've ever come in contact with. Please, for the love of God, do not invite me to a "party" unless it's a real party. I do not want to spend any more evenings pretending we are partying, but really we are just listening to someone rattle on about fabulous stoneware, yummy earrings, incredible toys that will make my kids successful as adults or what a great mother I will be when I buy the little ones a library of awesome books that I can read to them after I've put away the dinner left overs in my matching 64 piece Tupperware set.

Maybe if you had a real party and I got drunk, then you could give me a makeover after I passed out, like I'd do to you, except I'd probably use markers. You get the point, right? Thanks, but no thanks, I'll get my makeup and skincare at the store/mall or online when I need it. Butter containers work fine to hold my leftovers. It's not like people get graded on color coordinating the contents of the frig, do they?

The bookstore, Amazon and Ebay sell books to me when I'm in the market for one and I never pay much for them this way, even after shipping. I get my vitamins at Target or Wal-mart. I don't burn candles anymore, so you SOL there. For the past few years I've been burning the Lamp Berger with oils that I get online for a super low price. They burn well and cost about 5.50 a bottle, please don't ask me to pay 12.99 + 2.50 handling cost + 4.00 shipping + tax for the same thing.

Basically whatever you can have a party for, I can already buy somewhere else locally. Why don't you just have a party, I'll come to that and I'll bring the jello shots, but this 3 hour hard sales crap is for the birds! Most of the time 2 of those 3 hours are just the rep. trying to convince us to become a rep.

I'm leaving the party circuit behind. My extra money is staying where it belongs, with me or it's going with me to a flea market /antique festival. It is most definitely not going towards over priced, cheap crap that I convinced myself I needed, so you could earn free stuff. Friends don't do that crap to each other.

Now suppose you had a kegger and after the beer pong tournament, you had male strippers showing me some catalog of random stuff I didn't need, I might be inclined. Mwah ;o


tryingtobegreener said...

Thank you for this post! I used to go crazy when "friends" would invite me to these "parties" so they could get a discount for this stuff they THEY wanted. Thankfully, I haven't been to one in years.

Anonymous said...

Jello-o shots!!!
I love Jell-o shots!!
Let's do some Jell-o shots, invite all "those party people" over and sell them a bridge. K?

I always wanted to do the Vodka in the watermelon thing too but never got around to it.

This post was about liquor right?

Da Old Man said...

The Mrs. went to one of these stupid parties and bought a $90 frying pan. I asked her why she needed a $90 frying pan to call and order Chinese take out.
BTW, it hurts as much to get hit with a $90 pan as a 10 buck one.

Glitzy said...

That is sooooooo true. Now I want a Jell-o shot.

Kirsten said...

No way!! I think we have the same friends!!! Ex-friends, I should say.
Great post!!