Saturday, July 18, 2009

"Lord please forgive me and bless all the little pygmies down in New Guinea"

I try to be a nice person (I really do). I guess you could say I have a 75% success rate, which is pretty damn good. Somewhere swimming in the other 25% are my opinions and thoughts about my neighbors. Not all my neighbors, just one family in particular.

My husband and I would rather bleed out than get stuck talking with them.
There are very few people in this world that can make me pucker simply at the sight of them. Ladies and gentleman, this family does. And I mean prison pucker, not country club pucker.

The husband drives his car around the block like he is training for the Grand Prix. He is always telling everyone different stories about his car having major problems, yet he continues to take several trips around the block every bloody day. He will also tell you all about his money troubles.

I must let you know that I have a hard time understanding his "money troubles". They live in his mother in-law's rental house for free, his parents bought them their car, he buys toys such as; Ipods, RC cars and computers. However he doesn't pay his bills, so he loses his lights or the phone a couple of times a year, to which his parents pay the bill and the service returns. No matter what you're doing, if he sees you, he will come up to you and tell you crap about his bills. He starts mid sentence, so sometimes I just let my eyes glaze over and retreat to a happy place until I sense he has stopped talking, either that or I notice he has left. It's the only thing I can do to prevent myself from being an ass and telling him, "Good for you, you deserve to lose your services". I mean if you're not going to pay your bills, then duh! You are 37 year old, get with the program and stop quitting jobs. Support your family!

Last year he and his son joined Cub Scouts. My family has been very involved with scouts for about 9 years now. Guess what that means?? I get the pleasure of dealing with him even more often. Now he has more reasons to stop by our house. Because of scouts, he has our phone numbers now. He calls and drops by asking for favors and handouts all the time. I know he is mooching, but the rest of the scout leader's are just beginning to catch on to his grifting ways. He has managed to get the pack to pay his way for 90% of everything. This includes his wife and daughter tagging along at the pack's expense, whereas everyone else is paying for their family members. How about your wife and daughter or whoever the tag-a-longs are, don't attend an event if you can't afford to pay for them. Sounds real easy to me and its how most people would handle it.

In two weeks he has called and come over dozens of times asking for a ride to Houston. He claims his car can't handle the distance. The car that he drove to Florida in can't make it to Houston? We aren't the only people he bugs in the scouts. He has been stalking a few others with daily calls. He calls you four or five times a day asking the same question, because he wants you to offer him something like a ride or to pay for something. He actually asked one of the committee members if she would cover the costs of the tickets to the Astros game. That's at least 70.00 dollars! Now he is trying to get someone to share a hotel room, which he won't ever pay his share of.

On top of all this the entire family smells. We aren't talking I was outside working in the yard and didn't take a bath in two days smell. This is the we don't ever bathe smell. It's so strong you can smell them from my porch 10 feet away. Another neighbor was outside one day and she couldn't take the smell to the point she told this woman, "go home and bathe your children" and walked off. I don't think they know where the bathroom is in that house. When I dropped off a form, I couldn't see the floor from all the clothes lying around. My youngest refused to go inside when the children invited him to play. Thank goodness for small miracles that day.

The wife, who claims to have both epilepsy and narcolepsy, yet doesn't take any medication, drags her kids around the neighborhood everyday. She will stop at every house where there is life and tell us all the same things. Some days it's "I hate my husband" or "I am so mad at my husband". I like it when she brags about all the men in the neighborhood and how they stare at her and how hard it is to walk the neighborhood with all these men undressing her with their eyes. I think I actually threw up in my mouth the first time she told me that.

This is just the tip of the iceberg with these people. I'm thinking a moat wouldn't be such a bad idea.

OMG! Speak of the devil; he is on my front porch, again. Make it stop!


Woodsterman / Got Wood? (Odie) said...

Ooh, I'm sorry .. I'll come back later. (Your sign in letters are "couts" ... pretty close)

Miss Moneypenny said...

Not the Prison Pucker at Uranus? ;)

To avoid him, have U tried going Undercover with new disguises and changing your phone number to a unlisted one?

P.S. Thank you for visiting Miss Moneypenny Undercover Times! :)

Suburban Psychosis said...

I could wear a wig and he probably wouldn't even know it's me!

Vanessa said...

Honestly, when I started reading I though maybe the annoying part I could tolerate but then you got to the whole smell thing. I shuddered. Really.

Cooking Asshole said...

poor people suck