Some Calling Cards You Just Don't Want

Sometimes in life you come across something that the rational mind just can't grasp. Currently my mind is struggling to understand and solve the great mystery (and disturbing case) of the poop made outside the toilet.

So, I go into the hall bathroom to put some things away. I happen to look down and there to my horror was a healthy size piece of poop on the floor close to the toilet. WTF! All that could come out of my mouth was a very lady like, "who shit the floor!" My husband comes flying and sliding across the wood floor to see just exactly what my question entailed. All he musters up is a monotone, "oh, that's poo...on the floor". I married a genius!

The mystery isn't what it is (obviously, since I'm not a total idiot), but why it was there. Poop on the floor outside the toilet? How long had it been there? Who put it there? A few kids had come over to play. These are kids that have been here before without any fecal matter being left behind. I'm concerned that the owner of the poop didn't know they left us a gift. And you know that poop is never a gift you want! Did it fall from their underwear or worse, did they not want it to go in the toilet? So many questions and no one is talking.

For those of you wondering what happened next; yes, I had to pick it up and then I took the first layer of skin off while sanitizing myself. I'm pretty sure I'll never forget. If you're ever over for a visit, please poop in the toilet, it would be greatly appreciated.

In Your Wildest Dreams, Not Mine

Yesterday, my loving husband decided to share a picture he was emailed. It's not the first time that he has been generous enough to share pictures of half naked woman, but it was the first time he shared with a purpose.

For some reason, beyond my realm of comprehension, my husband believes that I should have a try at wearing this fishing line creation. He said this sober! Though I'm flattered that he thinks I could pull it off, I'm going with my gut and saying no way in hell!

You see after two kids it's just not an option for me. I am not a troll, but non troll isn't good enough when you are talking about fishing line and strips of fabric. I don't know if this chick has ever had kids. God bless her, if she has and still looks like this. I'm sure the reaction on the faces of these onlookers would be much different, maybe something more like this, if I walked by wearing that.