I Got My Own Set Of Keys To The Crazy House

Hell yea! Christmas is almost over, just a few more insane things to get through and I'm home. I'm not sure what those are going to be, but they will happen, that's for sure.

Never a dull moment here at the in law's house. And to think we could have stayed home and missed out on all the action. Why hear about it over the phone when you can live it! Smells like a family get together to me.

10 Things I've Learn Today

1. If your not sure what's in the pasta salad, DO NOT EAT IT.

2. If you witness your Mother in Law fall in the pool, don't get involved. Act like you have no idea what anyone is talking about or you'll get sucked into and fussed at for not being able to sprint 200 feet to prevent her from falling in.

3. Some family members drink more than you remember.

4. Christmas time doesn't mean family won't fight.

5. There can be too many cooks in the kitchen.

6. Fog horns should not be blown in the house as a crude bell system for the bedridden injured for any reason.

7. TVs can be turned up to 90 and you can still here the fog horn really well.

8. Twelve year olds can and will drive a car around the front yard.

9. When your told you can bring a dog with you for the holidays, it doesn't mean actually bring the dog.

10. Plastic BBs can break the skin.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and that it was a quiet one. There goes the fog horn. I'll be pouring myself another cocktail now.

"Crap, they found me!"

I find myself wondering what it is that attracts my family to me like moths to a flame. I'd like to think it's my wisdom or winning parenting charm, but I doubt it.

They flutter to me at every given chance no matter what I'm doing. Sometimes there is a reason, but most of the time I can't figure out why they are following me.

Any day or circumstance, anytime no matter why, they choose to include me. I'm reading my favorite blogs and my husband is standing in his underwear in the living room brainstorming a Christmas party with the giddiness of a school girl, my oldest is educating me on why "we" should keep his size 10 shoes for his little brother instead of him just going to go put them away and something about being a giving person? Whatever, I'm trying to read here! That's like 8 sizes away from his little brothers feet and he's breaking my concentration as I stare confused at my husband, rubbing his belly in his underwear, rambling on about a party.

Oh, look there's my youngest, who is having issues with a bowl movement and has come to share that and much more, as he bends over butt naked asking me to check to see if he wiped his butt well enough. If only you knew the blended conversation playing out right now and the extent of the male family members' obsessions with sparkling clean asses, if you only knew.

The cat and dog follow me all day long, as well. I'm always having to watch for a cat tail or dodge a run in with the dog. I'm like the family rock star! Everyone wants to talk to me and be with me every moment of the day. They rarely do anything without being 6 feet away from me at all times. I'm the one they always pick to tell all their long stories. My opinion must be really be important. Sometimes they will share really important things like a blow by blow account of what they did on a video game when I'm on the phone. Boy they must really value my take on things! Everything that I do is so damn great that they want to be there sharing the moment with me , even when I'm on the toilet. Jealous?